Skip to main content

Nostalgic

Clearing GATE entrance, i was happy and  have applied for two colleges REC, Surathkal and IIT,Roorkee. Surathkal was my first choice, probably only one. Don't ask why! I was on cloud nine after getting that admission. My friend, Sreeni got the admission too and later became my roomie. It is a different thread for some other day .

Few months after my admission, i wanted to drop out for some personal reason and there comes an in-time, much needed, heart warming message from one of our professors (godly, later became my thesis guide) who felt that i was about to do something 'hatke'. I'm still surprised at the kind of confidence he had in me. First semister results did reflect his confidence. Academics wise, god has been so kind and so are the professors. That pep talk did serve as north star and could guide me through out those two years. Couldn't thank him enough.

Hostel. 
Unlike others, i used to find the hostel food OK. Ofcourse can't be compared to home but i really used to enjoy chow chow bath and the grand dinner. That 500gm of Avakai bottle from home would be traced to nothing in just 3 minutes. Not an exaggeration. There is no మొహమాటం business. That bottle gets along table after table till it becomes empty. Later, we turned smart and started carrying that pickle in a smaller container. We have introduced our Gongura pacchadi to some of the north folks. 

We used to have a great crowd there. It is safe to assume that i have watched all the Telugu/Hindi movies released in those two years. When it comes to music, i used to have the saddest play list. It is a highway to depression. "maza tho bas gham mein aaya hain" type of songs. For every min spent in my room with that playlist, people had to spend twice the amount of time with  item songs to come out of that cheerless mood.

Library
Authors, Papers, Journals.. what not. This is the place i like most. It helped me to heal. Don't ask what hurt me so bad. I hardly stepped inside Kakinada library but here I practically spent hundreds of hours at this place. More importantly, i felt safe.
Beach
Love.
That temple on top of the hard rock. Benches beside the temple facing the sea. All you can hope for is a partner to give you some good company. Sunset, Beach, Waves hitting the rocks. Everything is set. All you need is a date. I had a date too, with solitude. (Self thoo). I never doubted destiny.

Night Canteen
Maggie, Cold Horlicks, Cricket matches.. what not!

Ground
Played some good knocks for our team. Very satisfying. So dehdrated after one of my innings, i had to bunk the classes next day. I wanted to stand there for all the 25 overs. Mad resolve. 

Campus Selection
Never took them seriously as i had a feeling that it wasn't my cup of tea. However sat for two companies and i was so damn sure of the first one. But.. i didn't get short listed. Wonder why! I did decent in the second one. However I learnt my lesson by then. Have given the exam and went to library. One of my friends came searching  to pass me a message that i have cleared round one. All my CSE friends have given a full one hour crash course on data structures, algorithms and logical thinking. All that i have been seeking is experience.  Gave the interview which i honestly didn't find impressive. By that time, destiny has taught me enough on not to carry any expectations. Next day, i was going to canteen and saw a friend coming from placement cell along with few others. He looked so disappointed and stopped at me and said "Sorry". I was kind of OK and started moving ahead. Suddenly i got lifted and got kicked up on my arse. I still don't understand this kind of celebration. We have a cute name for it , GPL. 

Another Admission
Have been to IISc for my thesis research and  got inspired. My friend has walked me through several rooms. UPSC toppers, IES toppers, people who got placed into big companies..i started feeling like a minuscule, yet inspired. I went to the same campus again for PhD admission. Every thing went smooth on that day. Had solved some differential equations, fielded my thesis well and was very confident.  I didn't know if would get it, but  felt very happy for that attempt. Extremely satisfactory. Few days later, i got an admission letter. 


I still remember the last day when i felt huge void. On that night, i was sitting all alone in the ground staring at the skies. I didn't find the purpose. There was a lump in the throat. I wasn't comfortable. With a decent offer letter in one hand and an IISc PhD admission in another, i wasn't happy. I was very angry. Sad. Confused. Sharing was never an option. 
Today on seeing the grounds,  felt that lump back. Being young is not easy. I still feel sorry for that younger me but extremely proud for holding the post so strong and surviving all those scars. One day it would pay off, i hope.





Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Nomadic Inner Life

I let my mind wander wherever it wants — into places judged right or wrong, meaningful or meaningless. Rules have never bound me; it’s not that I reject them, I simply lack the energy or will to follow them. Laziness, perhaps, but also a quiet indifference. Whether it’s daily rituals like pooja or even personal hygiene, I never gave them much importance. Pain or discomfort I endure until it becomes unbearable, only then do I seek help. I accept such things as karma rather than reshaping my lifestyle. I am reckless with myself, not out of rebellion but out of carelessness. I’ve never found a compelling reason to change. When I see organized, disciplined people, I feel happiness for them and a deep respect. Yet I never feel inspired to follow their path. I simply don’t care enough. Maybe some hidden trauma shaped this indifference, dulling my sense of urgency toward life. Or maybe this is just who I am — a wanderer of mind and habit, respecting order but never seeking to own it.  But...

Khairiyat

When i work, often i leave the choice of music to Youtube  and now i'm stuck with this song. While everything sounds so soothing in Arijit's voice, it is the lyric that caught my attention. Agar Ishq Se Hai Mila, Phir Dard Se Kya Gila Is Dard Mein Zindagi Khush-haal Hai, Yeh Dooriyaan Filhaal Hain Writing is an art! 

BIKSHAIPATHIRAM by IIlaiyaraja

Was listening to IIlaiyaraja 's Ramana Malai and got addicted to the tune of "BIKSHAIPATHIRAM". Could understand the meaning of the first few lines. With the help of a Tamil friend, could get the translation of the song. Blessed! Toggle Translation BIKSHAIPATHIRAM - this literally means the vessel which the beggars use for begging.... BIKSHAIPATHIRAM ENTHI VANTHAEN ...AYYANE EN AYYANE I have come carrying the bikshapathiram .. ayyane .. ayyane... ( it can be termed as guru .. father... ) PINDAM ENUM ELUMBODU SATHAI NARAMBU UTHIRAMUM ADANGIYA UDANMBENUM  BIKSHAIPATHIRAM ENTHI VANTHAEN ...AYYANE EN AYYANE Carrying the body with bones nerves muscles blood as bikshapathiram ... I have come carrying the bikshapathiram .. ayyane .. ayyane... BIKSHAIPATHIRAM ENTHI VANTHAEN ...AYYANE EN AYYANE AMMAIYUM APPANUM THANTHATHA...  is that bikshapathiram given by mom & dad ? ILLAI AADHIYIN VALVINAI SOOZHTHATHA  or it is cause from the deeds of our roots?...